I was sitting at a table with my dad.. and then they brought a white carry box out. it was a cardboard carry box. .. when i saw that box.. my heart shattered.
just to know, the body of someone i love is in there. wilson told them if i can get the collar.. so the lady took him into the back room and brought the collar back to me.
i started to break down so bad.. i really.. had a hard time reaching for the collar. but when i did get it, i just held it against my heart, crying.
when we decided we'd cremate him, we went back to the humane society in milpitas.
while in the parking lot.. wils said, "DAD! look at the body i want to know if he's still.. intact."
so, my dad did. my mom told me to stay away. wils held me while they looked.. then wils went to look. he said, "Oh! he's intact! he looks like he's sleeping!"
so.. i walked over.. and i looked in. .. my heart shattered into even more little pieces.
what i saw: Blackie curled into a small ball.. he was intact and everything.. he looked.. normal..as if he were sleeping. and when i looked at his face.. omg..
i really. just.. broke down. hysterically. no joke. i cried harder than i did yesterday.
it was really too much for me to bear.
and his i.d tag; because i made him a new one yesterday, i will keep it on my phone chain.. until i can finally accept that he is gone.
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